Doc Talk Tips
As someone who has been to hundreds of doctor’s appointments, I’ve unfortunately grown familiar with the feeling of being dismissed, misunderstood, and rushed out the door. If you’re reading this, you’ve probably felt similar pain. After years of trial and error, I’ve uncovered some key ways to get a doctor to tune in and take me seriously. I wanted to share these with you in hopes it may help you too. So, here are 9 ways to make sure your voice is heard at your next appointment!
1. Come prepared with a medical binder
Have everything you need in hard copy form. I know this is a tall order in our digital era, but I swear it’s a game changer. I spent an entire day this summer organizing and assembling a binder of every medical moment that’s ever occurred in my life. It’s color-coded, sticky-noted, chronologically ordered, and it’s instantly earned the respect of the majority of doctors I’ve seen since. They can see every past blood result from other doctors, read notes from specialists, look at MRI results from the year prior, etc. This keeps me from having to repeat tests, meaning less money out of my pockets. It’s also freed up so much of my mental space, allowing me to spend my time with the doctor focusing on my current issues rather than trying to recall past appointments.
2. Be firm, but respectful
Boundaries are everything. If you feel pushed by a doctor in a certain way, speak up. If you’re not comfortable with a treatment plan, let them know. A doctor’s job ultimately centers around you being healthy and happy. Allow them to excel at it by making your boundaries clear. And don’t be afraid to seek out a second or third opinion.
3. Don’t share too much about “what you read”
We’ve all fallen victim to Google rabbit holes, and while the internet has a ton of valuable information, it also holds a lot of misinformation. If you find something that you absolutely must bring up to your doctor, be thoughtful in how you present it and do your best to educate yourself about it before the appointment. Doctors work very hard to get to their positions. The “Google doctor” patient can sometimes (unintentionally) devalue that. And when doctors feel less valued by you, they’ll be of less value to you. It’s as simple as that.
4. Have your elevator pitch ready
“So, what brings you in today?” Lordy, if this isn’t the most loaded question of all time… Where do you even begin? In the same way that a job interviewer will ask you to tell them a little about yourself, come up with an elevator pitch. I try to keep it about 1-2 minutes and hit as many key points as I can: When I was _____ years old, I was diagnosed with _____. I started experiencing typical symptoms such as _____ at around age _____. Within the last year, I’ve been experiencing _____. I’ve seen multiple specialists, but no one can figure it out. I have my labs, MRIs, and X-rays from them as well if you’d like to see them. I was referred to you by _____ to look into whether it could be _____.
5. Build a symptom photo album
I can’t emphasize enough the power of a single photo, let alone an album. If my symptoms are visible in the slightest, I track them. iPhone albums are great because they automatically log the date and organize photos chronologically. I have an album of visible symptoms dating back to August of last year. It’s proven to be a very powerful visual aid in my appointments.
6. Don’t speak poorly of other doctors
Do what you can to keep the conversation around your experience with other doctors as neutral as possible. If you have your binder in hand—the tests they’ve run, the notes and length of the appointments, and the meds they’ve prescribed should speak for themselves enough. The doctor world is relatively small, and many know each other on both professional and personal levels. For instance, I just discovered my current specialist co-authored a book with my pediatric neurologist who diagnosed me thirteen years ago! Instead of saying, “Dr. _____ was so dismissive of my symptoms, and she didn’t run any tests. She never gets back to me on the portal, and it’s clear I’m not a priority,” try saying, “I’ve seen Dr. _____ a couple of times, and while she’s great, I don’t think she has the bandwidth to take me on as a patient. I also think her specialty is a little different than what I need.” See how much better that sounds? The same point is being made but in a more mature and informative way.
7. Take notes
I take notes by hand during every virtual and in-person appointment I attend. This achieves two things. First, it helps me focus. My brain is less likely to wander when I’m taking notes, so I’m much more attentive to what they’re saying. Second, it shows the doctor that I’m taking them seriously and valuing their medical expertise. When I take them seriously, they take me seriously too.
8. Avoid getting emotional
I’ll be the first to admit that when I’m struggling with my LGMD, I tend to get extra weepy. Totally normal. Your emotions are valid and deserve to be felt, but do what you can to maintain composure in a doctor’s appointment. You want your doctor to see you as logical, calm, and informed. If you get yourself all worked up, they may be more likely to chalk it all up to “anxiety” and dismiss you.
9. Drop the mask
This is a hot take. I was speaking to my PCP about doctors not taking me seriously, and she mentioned that they see ill people all day long. When someone like me bounces in, smiling and joking around, winged eyeliner stamped in place, daisy socks, and a Prada bag in hand, it’s easy for them to take one look at me and roll their eyes. I get it. But like most chronic people, I’m an expert at masking. I’ve been living with most of my symptoms daily for years and have learned to master the art of covering each one. But ever since that conversation with my PCP, I’m more conscious of the way I present myself to doctors, especially the ones who don’t know me. I’m not asking you to fake how bad you’re feeling, I’m asking you to drop the mask a bit. This isn’t happy hour. Don’t dress cute. Don’t be super jokey and giggly. Don’t wear a full face of makeup. Don’t work to cover any of the yuckiness you’ve got going on. You’ll just be doing yourself a disservice.
And there you have it. I’ve learned that advocating for my health has a lot to do with how I’m perceived. I take notes to show I’m focused. I have an elevator pitch to show I can articulate myself. I am polite about doctors to show I respect what they do. I have my photo album and medical binder to show my proof. I stay calm and neutral. I remain grounded and well-informed. I demand to be taken seriously through my energy and my actions. And you should too.
Be well,
Amanda
